Are you ‘on the fence’ about seeing a therapist/seeking help for yourself? Does the thought repulse you? You’re not the only one:
Therapy is my muse.
The rich sores of the past no longer trap like an abyss in the lung
A big, sweaty, pulsating, raw lump,
Shields good vibes and retaliates with the same old pattern,
A defence from the throbbing wound.
Open pores slowly cleanse and radiate thin streaks of light,
Shine out of my skin like a Monk on fire.
I feel the raw pain;
The heat that trapped long ago when I was too scared to feel,
Too frightened to let it penetrate.
But it stuck like a bullet in the heart,
Waiting to be pulled out like a splinter.
So that gradually, after the overwhelming volcanic flow,
All thats’s left is scar tissue- the memory of pain.
It's shape, like that of a great meteorite,
A beautiful mark, illustrating grievous impact,
Full of deep wisdom and mystery.
It sits deep in me, I know it and it me.
We are friends, envying the similarities and differences between us,
United with love, acceptance and wonder.
My scar is not a wound, it is treasure,
To enlighten all being.
Treasure that can’t be plucked out of the ground and spent,
But best kept close to the chest.
Secret inner-wings to swoop, glide, and soar through
The stark and wondrous beauty of the world.
(Carly Tennant 23/12/2017)
I was speaking to a friend who is having a hard time with her partner and I suggested contemplating therapy for herself; a thought that had crossed her mind, but she was worried it would be too…”Indulgent?” I offered. “Yes! I'd feel like a fraud."
Admitting that you are struggling with yourself and asking for help, in my opinion is one of the bravest and most noble things one can do. How hard is to face the fact that you have control over your own mind and don’t have to be a vessel for pain all your life and stick in a pit of merciless hell. You may be able to crawl out and see the glorious sunshine which exists outside the prisons of your own psyche? It is not pleasant but it is damn comfortable and easy to stay in our solitude, in our grovelling pain, and accept that it is our life and we are powerless. It is much harder to get up and say, “NO!! I believe I can be more in this life; I am entitled to more and I can have peace, joy, and love".
Oh no it’s not easy, not easy at all, because in doing that you may have to come face to face with every demon and snake you have chucked down and put on a leash. But I know for a fact, keeping it locked in that prison is not losing it at all; abandoning it for a while yes, but only to come out searching for its parent later on, full of anguish, confusion and rage.
Deal with your problems or they will come up and bite you when you are least expecting it, deal with your issues or they all gnarl at you from inside and chew up your flesh and walls and leave you thin and hungry, face your sores or you will die faceless, without ever knowing the true depth of your soul. My words are harsh yes, but this could be what it takes for someone to recognise that ignoring problems and keeping them quiet may turn the volume down but the silent war remains. Allowing this to go on under your consciousness is one of the most dangerous things you can do to your body. Even though it may not be obvious, the corpses will pile up and it will become harder and harder to ignore the rotting stench. This takes up space in your body, heart, and mind and blocks your capacity to be present in everything you do. Next time somebody tells you they are seeing a therapist, rather than viewing it as a luxury or a reason to be egotistical and self indulgent, maybe consider that this person is not doing it for themselves but for their future; for their highest good and everybody they come in to contact with.
Psychotherapy is one answer and it may not be for everyone, but I believe it is a gentle and integrative way to allow your shadow aspects to come up to the surface. Let the shame dance with rage, the fear hold embarrassment, the sadness embrace victimhood, your own guilt tango with the blame you put on others. Invite them all out and watch the ballroom of your life throw its own party and see how much they have to share, under the loving gaze of another stark human eye who wants to see and love you for all who you are.
Know that you are held, trusted, and deeply revered; we are all human and admitting our vulnerabilities is the most human things we can do. Accept that you live in motion, there is always room for forgiveness and growth. You are not a stuck entity, you float and roll like stardust through the plasma. You are divine, ever changing from one moment to the next; you can be whoever you want to be. Just believe this and you will set yourself free.